Dear Itsy Bitsy Spider,
I am sorry I asked James to kill you. Well, I am not really sorry, I guess I am just feeling a little bit guilty. I have seen you outside our front door for almost a week now. At first you didn't bother me. You were just like all the other little spiders living on the side of the house. Then you started moving closer and closer to our door. Yesterday you were on our door frame. Today you were just too close to the handle for me to deal with. I am tired of pretending that you don't frighten me. What if I accidentally touched you or you "accidentally" mistook me for some sort of spider food? You shouldn't have gotten so ambitious. If you had just stayed on the side of the house like the other three then we could have lived and let live. I am sorry that it had to be this way, but really, I feel you should take some responsibility in the matter.
Best of luck in your next life,
Little Miss Muffet
P.S. I would appreciate it if we could keep this between us. My son loves your song (although we sing a modified version at our house). I would hate for him to know that I was in any way responsible for your unfortunate end.
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