Finally a Finale

Well the last day of school came and went about three weeks ago, and I am still trying to figure out what to make of it all. This is partially due to the fact that I started once again to delve into a sort of personal bubble where I would not have to think about things at my school. I think this happened shortly before the second round of State tests. I guess part of it was due to a sort of desire for denial of all the things I saw happening around me. This year I have learned a lot of new things about my state and myself (such as the limits of my frustration for example). I guess some of those things were hard to face because I was not sure how to put them in context. To be honest, I am still not sure. Perhaps after I have achieved more distance between myself and this past school year I will be better able to absorb the full impact of what I have experienced and learned.
I think the biggest accomplishment that took place after Christmas was that I learned not to blame myself for the conditions I could not control. At first some of the conditions were so overwhelming and because they did affect my classroom management and instruction, I blamed myself for not being able to compensate for or overcome the conditions. In the end I just decided that life is not fair and it is easier to work with what you have if you don’t worry about what you don’t have. I wish this were something I could have learned earlier. I did not achieve all that I wanted to achieve this year and normally that would bother me, but for some reason it really doesn’t. I know that I did the best I could given the circumstances. If the circumstances had been different, my best might have been different. Hopefully, this next school year will not be as challenging. I do not think that I could go through it again, even if I wanted to (which I don’t). I guess it is like the principal at Mantachie Attendance Center was saying, “You wouldn’t give a million dollars for the experience, but they couldn’t pay you a million dollars to do it all over again.” (He is from Rolling Fork, MS and participated in an alternate route program and he taught about 8 miles down the road from my school.)
Summer School
Well I have completed 21 hours towards my master’s degree (out of 30) and I am currently taking 6 hours. These are definitely the most challenging classes I have taken so far, so I am not sure I can maintain the 4.0 average I have now. I think the challenge is compacted by the fact that the classes meet everyday for only three and a half weeks. My first class is Educational Research and my second class is Education Law. Both classes require quite a bit of research and writing as well as two major tests in each class (one tomorrow and one Wednesday). We pretty much cover a chapter a day in each class. Class starts around 8:15 (as amended today, before today it was 8) and gets out around 11:45 (barring announcements from Ben). Neither teacher apparently believes in a bathroom break like most of the teachers we have previously had and my first professor seems to think his class ends ten minutes after it actually does (which coincides with the starting time of our second class). This kind of schedule is kind of challenging on us pregnant people (there are two of us expecting this fall, actually 3 because the father of the other baby is in our class as well). Although I feel much better this trimester (the 2nd) driving back and forth from Clarksdale every day is taxing on ones energy levels (it is about 75 minutes one way). My classes end on the 24th and then I am off until I start teaching (where has not been decided yet, but I will not be going back to the same school as last year).
Special Thanks
I would like to thank my mother for posting all of the ultra-sound pictures and that e-mail that I sent out to some of my friends and family about the baby, when I was too tired to post anything (also see aforementioned bubble). I am really lucky to have the parents that I do. Seeing the parents of the children I taught this past year made me realize exactly how lucky I was as a child to have to smart, loving, involved parents who valued learning and education. I would also like to publicly mention my appreciation for James who has been tremendously supportive this past year and especially during the last four and a half months. Without his help during the first trimester I know I would have starved to death, drowned in my own tears or been attacked by a pile of dirty dishes. I am really lucky to have such a wonderful support group!

On a sad note
Today makes two years since Carrie died. I still have moments where I can’t believe she is gone. Two years seems like such a short time, and yet sometimes it feels like an eternity has passed since the last time I saw her. I still miss her very much; I guess I always will. I sometimes wonder what she would think about all the things that have happened since she left.

Never end it on a sad note
On a happier note, the 29th of this month James and I will have been together (dating not married) for three years. James says he feels like it has been much longer than three years (I hope he meant it in a good way) and I to have difficulty remembering what life was like without him (probably because I don’t want to). The funny thing is when we were discussing marriage (three years ago this October-November) we said that the earliest we would consider having children was in three years. At the time three years seemed like a long way off. Now we are here and it is actually a good place to be.

And in the end…
I almost forgot, as I have been trying to forget a lot of what happened this past year, our school received our state writing test results on the last day of school. After the students had left they announced that Evy and I had raised our school’s test results from 2.3 to 2.4 (the state average is 2.5). That is great especially considering that was our first year ever teaching and (as Ben says) we helped our students make the highest scores in the school’s history.