So this is Christmas...

It is strange that this time last year James and I were in Scotland spending Christmas with Mum, Dad, Gran and Granpa. Even though it is Christmas Eve night, officially it is now Christmas Day in Scotland! How much has happened in a year and yet how quickly it has gone by. I guess that is what happens as you get older—since time is relative in the sense that a year moves more quickly for someone who has lived through 23 of them than it does for someone who has only lived ten or fourteen years—time seems to speed up the older you get. When you are a child you don’t have as many responsibilities or things to try and cram into 24 hours a day. Also, as a child I don’t remember as many things changing every year as have changed in my life the past few years.
I guess not all the changes have been bad. I met James, and that along with the whole falling in love and getting married bit, has possibly been the best thing that has ever happened to me. However, I also lost Carrie and just like I am still marveling at the fact that I found someone as wonderful as James, I am still suffering from loss of someone as wonderful as Carrie. Christmas is really hard this year. I guess the change of pace of being in Scotland last year helped distract me more than I realized. I have been crying on and off all day today. I don’t know how I will make it through tomorrow being around James’ family. I remember even before Carrie died, I cried the first Christmas I spent with James’ family because I missed being with Mum and Daddy and Carrie. I had to go outside so that no one would notice until I could compose myself. I don’t like crying in front of others, and I don’t think most people would understand. Luckily James’ family changed up their plans so James and I will get to spend Christmas evening with my parents.
Another positive change was going to college where I had many wonderful opportunities to travel while studying Journalism and International Studies. A wonderful education that I have not used since I took my final exams. I am currently teaching seventh grade English even though I have only had 12 hours of English classes in College. Journalism is not English and I have always had serious disagreements with quite a few “traditional’ American grammar rules. That was one reason I felt at home with Journalism, it broke most of the rules and just made up new ones. Now I am in a job where the rules aren’t clear and because I am now in a role model position I am definitely not allowed to break them. So when my students do things that I do not think are wrong, but the school sees as wrong, I must punish the students. I also am not allowed to say what I really think and feel in front of my students. If my students do or say something really funny, I am not allowed to laugh at the risk of hurting someone’s self esteem. I feel restricted, exactly the opposite of how I felt as a journalist.
So in addition to having one degree already that I do not use, I am afraid I am in the process of earning another one that I am not sure if I will actually use after these two years are up. I do take consolation in the fact that the pursuit of knowledge is not an end in itself and that even if I do not use the knowledge that I attain in any sort of professional manner it will help me to become a better person. Yeah, well, in theory anyway. I want to go to law school next, but I am really starting to wonder if it would be yet another degree that I will not use. When will I ever figure out what I want to be when I grow up? At 23, I feel mostly grown up and I definitely feel that I should know what I want to do.
So what will this next year hold? What changes will come and what will remain the same? James only has 7 hours of school left before he graduates this May with his Bachelor of Science in Mechanical Engineering (YEAH!!!). Soon he will be making about twice as much as I do now! Both of us are hoping to find jobs and moving to the Tupelo area (closer to my parents, about the same distance from his) this summer. I hope to find a job teaching HIGH SCHOOL (not seventh grade) and hopefully Social Studies instead of English. If everything goes as planned—although it never does—than this time next year maybe we will have even more positive changes occur in out lives. I realize that unfortunate changes are inevitable in everyone’s lives but I do hope that they will be few and far between for James and I and for you all. Have a merry Christmas and a truly happy New Year.
PS It is rumored that we are supposed to have a new principal when we get back to school on January 3rd. More details as events warrant.