Just another Manic Monday (whoa-ah oh)!

I started getting sick Thursday night and when I woke up Friday I felt horrible. Since it isn't unusual to feel horrible at 4:30 am (for me anyway) I didn't realize how sick I actually was until I got to school and the air conditioner was still not working (for the past week and a half it has only worked half of the time). There is nothing worse than having a cold in hot (unair-conditioned weather) or so I thought. Then my first class, noticing I wasn't quite as aware as I normally am, decided to break out in a paper wad fight! This was the first time that (a) I really lost control of my class and (b) that I lost my temper with my class. I am not sure what I said and/or if I screamed it but I am sure it was not nice because they got deathly quiet while I went on a rampage of some sort (the combination of the heat, sleep depravation, mild food depravation, Advil Cold and Sinus and anger is not good). I really feel bad because I have been trying very hard not to loose my temper with them.
Since I didn't feel well enough to drive two hours Friday night and since James had to work Saturday we staid in Clarksdale Friday night. I went to sleep as soon as I got home. I woke up early Saturday morning still sick but feeling 100 times better than I did Friday. I then drove to Oxford for my 8:30 class. My classes seem like they are going to be interesting. It made me feel better to hear how Eric is doing with his middle school administration and students. I do admit that after listening to peoples' stories I am a little bit jealous of those who are teaching high school. They aren't having nearly as many discipline problems as those of us that are teaching middle school. However, I firmly believe that there is a reason for everything and I would not have been placed where I was if there is not a reason or purpose.
I have just quit searching for a purpose in the things I am told to do. Everyday is a crazy day, but I am starting to feel like it is a game I can win even if I have to play by their rules. That is a good feeling! I am trying to hold onto it and let my competitive nature take over. Today, for example, the assistant principal came into my second class and said get your stuff together you need to leave for a staff development meeting that we forgot to tell you about that is already in progress. Thus EVY and myself (somehow being the only two affected by this development), drop everything we are doing and jump in the car to drive to arrive at a meeting about 30 minutes late. The staff development meeting was very beneficial, but I was trying to get my students ready for a unit test on nouns this Friday and showing them their averages so they can get it in gear before this first progress report. So now half of my students are a day behind the others, depending on what happened after I left—which I am assuming isn't much—and their unit test is days away.

Let's hope that everything you need to know you learn in kindergarten.

I think I am teaching kindergarten. I am not really sure, but it definitely feels like kindergarten. Some of my students are a little bit taller than your average kindergartener, but that is the only noticeable difference. This is the third week of school and we are still talking about nouns. We keep switching back and forth between nouns and the rules. My students act like this is their first exposure to both concepts. Evy is going through the exact same situation and is having the exact same problems, so it is at least reassuring to know that I am not alone. This afternoon she and I went through worksheets to send to the district office to get copies for our substitute folder because the assistant principal told me to. She said that Evy and I have been signed up for some English workshop and that we need to have some work for the students to do on the day(s) we will be gone (we have not been notified of when this will be). When I went in the office around four p.m. to turn in the worksheets for copying, the principal chewed me out for doing it. Apparently, if she doesn’t tell me to do something, then I am not supposed to do it. She seemed agitated that the assistant principal had told me about the upcoming workshop. She did admit that she had signed us up, however she never admitted that I did the only reasonable and acceptable thing when you suspect you are going to be absent by providing the substitute with worksheets to give the kids. My principal is definitely hard to read so my general policy is to do my job and stay out of her way. I like my assistant principal, but I worry that I maybe inadvertently getting her in trouble with the principal. Every time my principal asks why I do something and I mention that the assistant principal told me to or advised me to, my principal gets livid and says she is going to talk to her about boundaries, job descriptions, etc. I have noticed that my principal is a lot of talk and no action and so I am hoping that is the case here. However, next time she asks me why I am doing something I am inclined to plea divine inspiration.
Since it has been obvious that I am teaching kindergarten I have been working on posters, visual aids and bribery (candy). When they climb on the furniture I now say, “Now (student’s name) we aren’t little monkeys, we are little boys so lets not climb on Mrs. Carr’s bookshelves.”, instead of, “Now (student’s name) we are all adults so lets act like it.” We will see how this works. Stay tuned for further updates on the situation.
On a sad note, I was notified that I need to prepare some work for one my students because he is in court. I had not personally had any trouble with this particular student and he seemed to be intelligent. I was curious as to why he had not been to my class in four days but since my school doesn’t seem to enforce their attendance policy I wasn’t too concerned. Students seem to come and go as they please and yet they wonder why our school is rated so low—that is definitely a story for another day.James and I had a good visit with mom and dad on yesterday. They brought us food and thought (and food for thought) and complimented me on my coffee making skills. More things happened but they were so relaxing that they escape my memory. They also brought us some happies. Mom brought me a little automated cat (named Max like Marianne’s dog). James wanted to name him Frou Frou Lamar Carr. Since Max came with a name we will just have to save that name for our next pet/child. Max kept me company tonight until James came home from work/college. Today was my baby’s (James’s) first day of his last year of school (we hope). I am very proud of him. He is taking thirteen hours this semester (he only has to take six of them) and then he has six next semester. I have my first weekend back at Ole Miss for some more of classes towards my master’s degree this weekend. This will not be the first day of my last year of school. I have a little bit less than two years left on my master’s and I am already looking into law school. Yes, more school. Why? Because I can! Details will be posted as events warrant.

The fun continues...

So far so good. Evy and I were both surprised that at the end of the second day (Friday) we both felt remarkably unscathed. It is not that I have not had problems--Friday I was shoved by a 16 year old seventh grader that challenged me and then came in my class after me. I was surprised how well I handled it. Their behavior doesn't bother me. In fact it just makes me more determined not to let them get the upper hand. I have seen bad kids, these kids are not bad (yet), but they want me to believe they are bad. I know they aren't bad so I have the upper hand. My students are sufficiently scared of me and that doesn't bother me either. A few of the girls (the smart ones) seem to respect the way I handle the other students and a few of the (little) boys keep trying to come to my class even when they are not scheduled to. It is nice to know that even though I am feared I am not hated by everyone (yet). I was telling James how surprised I was at my ability to be mean (but fair) and feel no remorse. He laughed and said that I shouldn't take it the wrong way but I can be really mean when I want to. At first I wasn't really sure how to take that, but he assures me that it was a compliment. I have actually left both days of school so far with a huge smile on my face. I like all of my students even the bad ones and everything seems to be going great. Everybody talked about how horrible the first day would be and it wasn't bad at all. The fact that everything has gone so well is scary. Now I find myself looking over my shoulder and waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop. The most frustrating thing about teaching so far is the administration not the students. To be continued I am sure!
My family.
Because James and I are a family we went to family day for his company on Saturday. They held it at Liberty Land in Memphis. It was a lot of fun. James is perhaps the luckiest person that I know so I knew he would win a door prize. Since I tend to have bad luck I promised not to touch his ticket and he won as I predicted. After we left Liberty Land we went shopping. That was probably a lot more fun for me than for James but he didn't seem to mind to badly. I made sure we alternated stores of interest so he wouldn't get bored. Today we went swimming. We had the whole pool to ourselves which was nice. Then we grilled hamburgers. All day we have relaxed, worked on unpacking and I have been working on stuff for my classes. It has been a great week and I am actually looking forward to my classes this week!

No I am not dead, just dead tired.

Well so much has happened since I last blogged (that sounds disgusting doesn’t it). Today was the first day of school for my students and… …I am still alive. I started moving stuff from our house in Water Valley to our town house in Clarksdale last Thursday (July 29) and we moved our last box into the house this past Monday (Aug. 2). I had to report to my school district on July 29th for new teacher orientation and in service (I even had to go on Saturday). My last day of Teacher Corps (TC) summer classes was July 23 where I found out that the TC person I had grown closest to during the summer had quit the program. I also discovered that another person I did not so well was going to be teaching the same class as I am at the same school as I am (She was previously assigned to one of the high schools in the same town as me—Cleveland—and I was the only TC person that was going to be at my school). Since then she and I have bonded and it has definitely turned out to be a good thing as Martha Stuart would say. I also painted almost every single piece of furniture James and I own. So as you can see I have been really busy over the last two weeks, but in order to paint an accurate picture of what I have been going through I am going to write about each event as if it is the day that it actually happened.

The First Day of School
Despite all of my fears and frustration today went a million times better than I could have ever hoped for. While I still have 32 students in the period right after lunch (and it is a learning strategies class which means they are slow learners or have failed for behavior problems), I did not kill them and I think everything went okay. I left the school at four thirty feeling a lot more confident in my ability as a teacher and with lots of ideas of what to do different tomorrow. I know that the students tend to behave better during those first few days, sort of a honeymoon period before they show their true colors. I have been laying down the law, but it is hard because my school has so many stupid (contradictory and misspelled) rules. Despite my many requests the school saw fit not to give us a copy of the student handbook until the day before school started and we did not receive our class rolls until 3:30 the day before school started. Not that that really matters because the schedules are all messed up and will be changed over the weekend. Until then I have been ordered to teach rule and nothing but rules. I was told that our school was trying to reduce its student teacher ratio and so I should expect between 12 and 20 students per class. In fact twenty-five desks were crammed in my tiny little room and I had discussed the possibility of removing some of them to give me more room. So at 3:30 pm the day before school they decide to tell me that I will have one class that has 32 students in it (that is the legal limit and I am the only one that has that many at a time during any period in my school). Not only to I have to find seven desks but find a way to cram them in my room. As a result Evy and I stayed well after the other teachers trying to get things ready. I was not issued a teacher handbook or a bell schedule (we don’t have bells so I have to know what time to dismiss them) until today during the middle of the morning! Out of everyone at our school I feel that only about 4 people have tried to help me in any way shape or form—that is a little frustrating. But tomorrow is another day!

A cheesy poem I wrote in my head while driving home after spending around 12 hours at school preparing for the next day…

'Twas the Night Before School Starts
And all through the school
Only two teachers were present
Busy writing our rules

We belong to the Teacher Corps
Because we believe
Delta students deserve more
Than they currently receive

You want to teach where?
Our friends and family implore
Do you know what you’re getting into?
Are you really sure?

Where are all the others
The state pays to teach?
At home in their beds?
Or still at the beach?

Do they not care about the students?
Do they not like their career?
Why are they all so bitter,
Negative and without cheer?

Our principal doesn’t like us
But not ‘cause she’s a snob
Last year her TC math teacher
Quit just two days into the job

So right from the start
We have a lot to prove
To our principal and students
And ourselves too


It is all for the children
We constantly say
And hope that will help us
Survive the first day!


The Frustration Mounts
All summer I have wondered why teachers have such a high drop out rate, now I know. Although my students have not arrived in my room yet I do not think that any of them could possibly be as frustrating as other teachers.
A few observations:
1. Teachers/Administrators talk a lot of talk but don’t do a lot of walking if you know what I mean.
2. If the education system was run like a business than most of those involved would be fired.
3. We don’t just have teacher shortage problem, we have a severe good teacher shortage. I am surprised by the amount of teachers at my school who can’t speak proper English and show signs of a poor/mislead education.
4. Teachers like to complain (what am I doing now?).
5. Don’t ask your administrators questions.
6. As a first year teacher you are supposed to know everything but you will not be told any of it even if you ask multiple people multiple times.
7. Anything and everything you are told by anyone is subject to change at anytime!
8. Don’t trust anyone!
9. If I were to run my classroom and/or treat my students the way that I have been treated by my administration they would fire me in a heartbeat.
10. It is impossible for teachers to get along. Most teachers are women. This actually adds fuel to my theory about weddings—when you involve more than one female in anything you are asking for trouble. Men get along with other men. Women get along pretty well with just men (even if it is a love to hate relationship) but women do not like, will not help, and do not work well with other women.
11. In staff development meetings all they do is tell you what not to do (in negative ‘do not’ form) then they send you to your classroom where you have to be sure to post your class rules in the positive---Remain in your seat vs. Do not get out of your seat.
“Oh, the irony!”, as Evy said during one of our countless staff development meetings which never start on time, in which you learn absolutely nothing useful and get chewed out for asking questions such as “can we have a hand book” or “when do we receive class rolls” if we were lucky enough that they actually attempted to answer our questions nine out of ten times their answer would be wrong (and we would later be scolded for acting on the wrong information).

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
I am sick of new teacher orientations, school district orientations, school specific orientations—I could live a very long and happy life without ever attending another orientation (or moving again for that matter). All of the orientations just sort of morph together in my mind after awhile and no matter how interesting they try and make it I have already heard it at some point and time earlier this summer. I had never heard of Harry Wong or Madeline Hunter before this summer but I have been so submerged in the almost cult like attachment that administrators seem to have for them that I think I could write their next books for them.

Our Welcome Party has Arrived
James heard that mosquitoes in Clarksdale were bad but when I got in my car this morning to go to work there were a swarm of mosquitoes waiting on me in my car. I think they must have gotten in while we unpacked. Also when I woke up this morning I had mosquito bites on my neck, arms, foot and even one on my nose (pretty much anything that was not under the covers) so I am guessing some got in the house as well.

Paint it Black
Where are the Rolling Stones when you need them? Probably on some farewell tour somewhere for the fifth or sixth hundredth time. James and I spent four straight days painting most of our furniture black. One day I painted for 11 hours with only about two 25-minute breaks all day. All the hard work was definitely worth it as it really tied in the rest of furniture and looks really good. It was all inspired by my birthday present from James and I will be sure to take pictures once we get everything set up at our new house.

Decisions
Perhaps the only person I feel that I have really connected with this whole summer just quit the program. I am being selfish in missing her because I know that she did what was best for her. I am not mad at her for quitting and I do not really understand the people who are. In the infamous words of Forest Gump, “That’s all I have to say about that.”

Teacher Corps in Review
I am leaving my summer school program and my classmates and embarking into the unknown. I feel scared and all alone. I am not sure how adequate my training has been this summer. For this to be a graduate program so far the classes have been a piece of cake. I have a 4.0 on my first 9 hours in grad school. I didn’t do that good my first semester in college (of course I was taking 21 hours and in an honor program but still I somehow imagined a masters program would be a lot harder than any of that). I think the most helpful experience will probably be the student teaching experience at Oxford Middle School. The least helpful experience will probably be the TEAM experience although the workshop week rivals as a close second. My favorite thing all summer was when Reggie Barnes came and talked to us. A few months from now I might feel differently but for now, that is where I stand!

I Fought the TEAM and the TEAM won.
I feel like I deserve a t-shirt or something. I hate hypocrisy (although I realize we all do it from time to time). If you are going to tell all of us to speak correct English at all times, you should too (this summer we were taught this is called modeling behavior for your students). If you take off points you should explain why and/or if a student makes a mistake you should correct it as soon as possible instead of allowing them to continually make the same mistake and then failing them for it (at least in theory). You should always be consistent especially when grading (I guess unless you are grading other teachers—then apparently it is okay). I think teachers should stop and listen to themselves once and awhile and make sure they practice what they preach!